Depression/Insomnia

[Dibs]

Lets first say that unless you know me personally, you dont know this. Ive decided to post this because I need help and cant keep this locked up. I know there are others who feel the same way and need help to.

I am Brandon. Im 17 and live in northeast Pennsylvania. Senior in high school, college soon. I live at home with my mom and step-dad. I have never met my real dad. My mom left him when i was 1 because he had hardcore drug problems.

I have had problems with depression and insomnia my whole life. When im with people it never shows. Im friends with everyone and will talk to anyone. I dont judge people because you will be wrong 100% of the time if you do. Snowboarding, Soccer and Xbox is my life. Im always doing one of them and having a great time. But as good as it sounds, flip the switch. The other side of life. I dont sleep. I dont sleep because i never stop thinking. I over think every single aspect of my life. Insomnia is killing me hour by hour. I can normally control it by talking to my late night friends or gaming but when Depression starts back in, Life could end and i would not know it untill morning

This past 4 months have been harsh. I have been getting more and more depressed each week. When im depressed and cant sleep, all i can do is think about all the negatives in life. even if they are not true and i know it. I love my girlfriend and trust her with my heart but even though i know its not true i cant stop thinking shes cheating on me. I have been accepted to colleges but i keep thinking something will go wrong and i wont get in to any. I constantly worry about money. I can take all the positives in life and make them negatives. I feel as if all my thoughts are just mangled and swirling in my head but I am to brain dead to think them out individually. I can just feel the negative presence of them. It really is slowly killing me

Its tough because i cannot let people down. It is the worst feeling in the world to me. I try so hard to please my family and i know they see it but I will never reach their dreams. It really settles in hard when you tell your grandma that you got accepted to one of the colleges you applied to and then you remember that she got accepted to all of them with full ride scholarships. It really can knock you off of cloud 9 in a instant.

Im not sure what to do or where to turn this time. Just typing this even without intentions to post it relieves some of it. I have my two best friends who i turn to for advice and i do not know where i would be without them. So from here its really not about me. If you feel this way and need someone to talk to i will always be here. I know how bad it can be and if you really need to talk to someone who has been through it all just pm me you number. Anytime you need it. If you have any advice, please share it.

If this seems like Alex's thread its because i live every word on his thread. Its almost like a handbook to follow for life. It has helped me so much and i have tried to help them back just as much.

Last but not least "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". If i could i would write this on every inch of space i could find. Never forget it!

Thank you so much for reading. It means the world to me. Any advice is greatly appreciated and if you need help just ask. Dont be afraid to post how you feel. You are not alone and will not be laughed at. I trust any negative posts will be removed.
-Brandon aka Dibs <3

[KRILLIN]

I will probably never post in here again because I don't know anything about depression but I'd like to give you a few suggestions.

1. You have to trust your girl until you have a reason not to. Once you have that reason it's time to find someone else.
2. Dedicate yourself to the gym. It will give you something else to keep your mind occupied and might help you sleep as well.
3. Hit me up if you ever need to talk. Like I said, I don't know much about this stuff but I don't like to see my buds suffering in any aspect of life and do what I can to help.

[Dibs]

I dont have any reason not to trust her. Its just like a nightmare tho. i dont want it to happen :/
The gym is a big part of it. between that and eating healthy ive found that im less angry and more focused.
Because of the gym I replaced soda with water. smartest move ive ever made.
Thanks and if you ever want to get those wobbly knees of yours snowboarding again, i will return the favor :)

[Joe Fries]

Try taking Niacin. Take as much as you need until you don't feel depressed anymore.

"One can start with as low a dose as 100 mg taken three times each day after meals and gradually increase it. I usually start with 500 mg each dose and often will start with 1 gram per dose especially for cases of arthritis, for schizophrenics, for alcoholics and for a few elderly patients. However, with elderly patients it is better to start small and work it up slowly.

No person should be given nicotinic acid without explaining to them that they will have a flush which will vary in intensity from none to very severe. If this is explained carefully, and if they are told that in time the flush will not be a problem, they will not mind. The flush may remain too intense for a few patients and the nicotinic acid may have to be replaced by a slow release preparation or by some of the esters, for example, inositol niacinate. The latter is a very good preparation with very little flush and most find it very acceptable even when they were not able to accept the nicotinic acid itself. It is rather expensive but with quantity production the price might come down."

http://www.doctoryourself.com/hoffer_niacin.html

[Shelly]

I've been suffering from depression/insomnia for a bit over a year now.
And the best choice I made was to go to my family doctor and to go into counseling.
I've been taking prozac for almost a year now, but a couple months ago I stopped taking them because I thought I was truly happy again, I was in a serious relationship and really felt things were looking up for me. But the cause of my depression is a chemical imbalance, and the prozac helped with that, since I had stopped taking them I became unhappy once more. I can't love myself, and I can't keep myself happy. I wasn't giving my boyfriend the attention that he deserved so I broke up with him. I can't love him if I can't even love myself. And it kills me, but I still hope he understands that I couldn't bring him down with me.
I started taking my medication again though, and hoping I can go back to being my normal self.
To be completely honest, Halo and the TLNC are all I have, and it's the only thing that really makes me happy.

My advice to you, see your doctor. I know my doctor helped me a lot, and hopefully yours will too.
Hang in there! It's tough, believe me I know, but things WILL get better.

[Dibs]

@shelly im sorry to hear that. I hope being back on your medication helps.
@gym thanks man. Seeing and knowing other people have the same problems are totally different.
I used to go to therapy but it woud just bring up bad memories so I stopped going. If I tell my family about this they will overreact and tell me to suck it up. Im not sure how to get help without them knowning

[chris_cr33p]

Friends are the best thing in the world for you i promise you that. Always keep them close

[SullyVan]

i used to go to many doctors and couneseling or how ever u spell to tired to figure it out.... i have anxeity how ever u spell that as well ( lol ) and depression... i probably shud still be going but tbh i dont wanna, i always hated it. i also over think alot myself.. i constantly tend to do it when im trying to sleep.. think about what if i died what if this person died etc its seriously annoying but i cant help it sometimes... but either way. hang in there brandon! if u ever need to talk pm me

[debo562]

Like everyone else said its good to talk to people and vent and if its needed seek professional help. Depression is tough I know :( but remember you're not alone.

[NoNSeNsE]

Hey man, I have experienced alot of the same Issues your experiencing, My father passed away in a car accident, and shortly after my mother went crazy and became a hardcore drug addict addicted to prescription pills. This messed me up for a little bit but I soon realized that feeling depressed and sorry for myself wasn't going to propel myself into any type of successful or happy life. I also have a younger sister that Ive cared for ever since my father died when I was 12, So it became very necessary to keep pushing and to working through my inner conflicts at least for her sake. For her to see that even in the face of adversity there is still a light at the end of the dark tunnel and success for those who persevere through it. I have since then graduated from high school working two jobs and playing lacrosse my senior year, and now I'm currently working two jobs and attending college, as well as living with my wonderful girlfriend. Through some of the rough times I sought help from my psychologist who I still see periodically to this day. Although it sounds corny, finding somebody who you get along with , and talking about whats going on in your life, can only help not hurt. It may get worse before it gets better, but if you keep on doing the things you love and working hard at everything else, you'll be fine bro. And I'm sure your mom is very proud of you no matter what and as long as you work hard and do what you feel is right, I am sure she will continue to be proud of you the rest of your life. Dont worry about some false expectations that you made up in your head, just try your best. And BTW when your grandmother was applying to college there was far less competition so much more people who applied hard much better chances. If you ever want somebody to talk to man, hit me up. I still struggle to cope with my issues on a daily basis, but it gets much easier. And I just remind myself about what my father would want and what I should do to show my younger sister that success is very possible, and how important it is to stay a good person no matter what. Good luck bro, You'll get through it! XBL: a NoNSeNsE AIM: aka shane x

[HavkinKnight]

Dibs. PM me if you want someone who KNOWS like 100% come talk to me bro. you can Text of call me Bro. Last Tuesday my Fince left me. i know what its like and i can tell you what i have done in the past to deal with this kinda struggles.

[Fir3]

I have sleeping problems too, and I beat myself up for stuff when I should be proud of myself. I never sleep, I can lay in bed for hours and can't fall asleep.

[itwuzmagik]

Hey man im sorry to hear about this, I really am :( both my best friend and my fiancee deal with depression. My best friend is a manic depressed and it really sucks at times b/c he is hard to come at but I was really concerned about him so I decided to try to help. On the outside it looked like he had a great life but after talking to him (we've been best friends for 6 years now) I found that even though he understands this he just can't shake any of it. After awhile it was determined he had a chemical imbalance in his brain and not enough seratonin was being released into his body. At first he actually took a pill prescribed to a friend of his for her depression but it didn't work and it actually made him cry non-stop all the time. He know refuses to take any medication and he decided he wanted to battle it out himself. At times since he appears to be manic you can't tell if he is winning or not, and a lot of times he has confessed his wish for everything to end to me. I try to keep him positive and tell him that if he dies he is only being selfish. See with him, if i tell him that its like black mailing him b/c he also has ocd and he can't stand letting anyone down so it literally makes him freak out and not want to kill himself. At first i thought that was a good solution to the problem (this was about 2 or 3 years ago) but then i realized that he was just never ever ever happy no matter what b/c thats all he could think about. Now after talking to him more I just tell him that if he tries or wants to do it that everyone that he knows will miss him and that you will leave holes in everyones hearts. Now however he tries to rationalize that he doesn't really have any friends so that way he can find a comfortable way to be able to kill himself and not feel bad about leaving anyone behind. So my new solution is to convince him to try medication prescribed to just him but he is scared to do that b/c he is in the military and they will kick him out. So idk what really my point is but to try to work out a solution that fits you. It seems for most however that medication really is the best help and is always worth a try.

[evilryu]

Prolong depression is an neurological disorder/disease know as Clinical Depression which is indeed cause by the neurotransmitters being imbalanced. To fix this imbalance the best course of action is taking medication because more than likely anything else you do would be a temporary fix. The longer you do nothing the worse the problem will get, and you will stop becoming yourself meaning that your very thought process will be changed dramatically into something not you will definitely not like. The worst part is that you will start to believe that the problems you have are natural and you will just have to deal with it....this is the imbalance in your brain talking not your healthy brain. Talk to your doctor about Welbutrin and Lexapro which are decent antidepressants.

[FraGiLiTy X]

i have been going through the same thing dibs.. ive been put on medication and it has helped alot... talk to someone about your problems it always helpss... and i know your GF and trust me she loves you bro.. just try to talk to someone and try getting put on medication or something.. - Much Love FraGiLiTy X

[Justin21]

You need to see a therapist (honestly) just to see where you can start to improve. Reaching out on here will help but only for a temporary time, we all have problems in our lives and we all can relate to some ones problems, but for you to better your situation is to reach out to a therapist so you can fix long term problems. I've struggled with some of the things you've mentioned, how I got through them were talking with my parents more and more and telling my self that my life could be worse, and take things for granted more. Live every day to the fullest and try not to worry about small things that can bring you down. Hope this helps and hope you get better!

[EGOisSICK]

Hey bro I cant sleep too. So if u ever need a late night buddy im here :) PM me if you want sometime. I dont struggle through depression at the moment but always here to talk. HMU if you want :)

[N!TRO]

talking it out is usually the best medicine.. keeping it in, all it causes is angry and hate towards someone close you. If you can talk to anyone here, go see a professional, they work wonders. Plus if your parents have any lip (which they shouldn't), tell them that you are super serial! sorry had throw in a joke to loosen things up. But seriously we are here for you

[Dibs]

Thank you all so much for the help. I think monday i will go talk to my old therapist even tho i dont really want to. I just want a way to stop thinking this way. I asked nicky if she was flirting with people again today and she got mad. Shes at her dads b-day party and i cant talk to her right now. Im worried sick again about it. I just want to make her smile and its not fair that i make her upset because she deserves to be as happy as she makes me. Deep down im my heart i know how much she loves me but i just cant stop myself from saying stupid stuff like that. idk, im just thinking about it too much. This is one of the little things that shake me down to the core.

[N!TRO]

Dude just trust her, a girl loves trust and space.

[Dibs]

Dude just trust her, a girl loves trust and space.

I do trust her. I just need to know that she knows it. I keep asking her if she still loves me or if shes gonna leave me and it must be really confusing to her. Its just like having a recurring nightmare. If you keep thinking about it, it will seem all to real. i dont know if that makes sence tho.


Hey man, I have experienced alot of the same Issues your experiencing, My father passed away in a car accident, and shortly after my mother went crazy and became a hardcore drug addict addicted to prescription pills. This messed me up for a little bit but I soon realized that feeling depressed and sorry for myself wasn't going to propel myself into any type of successful or happy life. I also have a younger sister that Ive cared for ever since my father died when I was 12, So it became very necessary to keep pushing and to working through my inner conflicts at least for her sake. For her to see that even in the face of adversity there is still a light at the end of the dark tunnel and success for those who persevere through it. I have since then graduated from high school working two jobs and playing lacrosse my senior year, and now I'm currently working two jobs and attending college, as well as living with my wonderful girlfriend. Through some of the rough times I sought help from my psychologist who I still see periodically to this day. Although it sounds corny, finding somebody who you get along with , and talking about whats going on in your life, can only help not hurt. It may get worse before it gets better, but if you keep on doing the things you love and working hard at everything else, you'll be fine bro. And I'm sure your mom is very proud of you no matter what and as long as you work hard and do what you feel is right, I am sure she will continue to be proud of you the rest of your life. Dont worry about some false expectations that you made up in your head, just try your best. And BTW when your grandmother was applying to college there was far less competition so much more people who applied hard much better chances. If you ever want somebody to talk to man, hit me up. I still struggle to cope with my issues on a daily basis, but it gets much easier. And I just remind myself about what my father would want and what I should do to show my younger sister that success is very possible, and how important it is to stay a good person no matter what. Good luck bro, You'll get through it! XBL: a NoNSeNsE AIM: aka shane x

Thanks for the writeup. I think what you are doing is great. Your father would be proud. This really gives me hope that I can get through this and still hold the things i love close. Im sure one day your sister will realize what you did for her and it will mean the world to her. Im going to send you a f/r on xbl. <3 :)

[Joe Fries]

2 handfulls of cashews have the same effect as a prescription dose of prozac. Just sayin'

[Araneatrox]

2 handfulls of cashews have the same effect as a prescription dose of prozac. Just sayin'

Wait.... What?!?!

Time for me to buy Cashew nuts :p

[GrayBlue]

I do trust her. I just need to know that she knows it. I keep asking her if she still loves me or if shes gonna leave me and it must be really confusing to her. Its just like having a recurring nightmare. If you keep thinking about it, it will seem all to real. i dont know if that makes sence tho.



Thanks for the writeup. I think what you are doing is great. Your father would be proud. This really gives me hope that I can get through this and still hold the things i love close. Im sure one day your sister will realize what you did for her and it will mean the world to her. Im going to send you a f/r on xbl. <3 :)

The worst thing you can do is show your insecurity around your girl. Be positive and confident around her, that's what'll keep her around.

I agree with Shelly, you should really go see the family doctor and a counselor. Talking about your issues with a professional will make a world of a difference.

Good luck and hang in there.

[itwuzmagik]

Thank you all so much for the help. I think monday i will go talk to my old therapist even tho i dont really want to. I just want a way to stop thinking this way. I asked nicky if she was flirting with people again today and she got mad. Shes at her dads b-day party and i cant talk to her right now. Im worried sick again about it. I just want to make her smile and its not fair that i make her upset because she deserves to be as happy as she makes me. Deep down im my heart i know how much she loves me but i just cant stop myself from saying stupid stuff like that. idk, im just thinking about it too much. This is one of the little things that shake me down to the core.

okay man let me put it this way im in the army man and i have to spend time away from my fiancee and i feel the same way you do i always have that pit in my stomach from thinking negative but my saving grace is always thinking about my girls smile and all the things i like about her and all the things she likes about me and that makes it bearable when im gone for long periods of time. i honestly know she would never be unfaithful :)

[Dibs]

okay man let me put it this way im in the army man and i have to spend time away from my fiancee and i feel the same way you do i always have that pit in my stomach from thinking negative but my saving grace is always thinking about my girls smile and all the things i like about her and all the things she likes about me and that makes it bearable when im gone for long periods of time. i honestly know she would never be unfaithful :)

Have you talked about it with her?

[itwuzmagik]

Have you talked about it with her?

yes man i have and she was at first a little upset but we talked through it man.

[Dibs]

yes man i have and she was at first a little upset but we talked through it man.

Thats what I just did. I just really had to think about it hard to really see how foolish it was of me to doubt her. Do you still worry about it or does it get better over time?

[Shelly]

2 handfulls of cashews have the same effect as a prescription dose of prozac. Just sayin'

Reallyy??
Cashews are expensive though :(

[NoNSeNsE]

Hey Dibs no problem buddy, and like I said if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here! You seem like a good kid, and I know that you'll be okay, prescriptions aren't always the answer. Its one of the reasons my mom is all screwed up, granted however sometimes necessary with certain chemical imbalances. But on the other hand certain activity and foods like Joe Fries said can have the same effect. Ill look out for that FR on XBL and we can chat sometime bro :)

[Dibs]

Tomorrow im going back to my old therapist. Im kinda nervous :/ I have been working on getting a normal sleeping pattern back and it seems to be helping. What do you guys do to sleep well?